I’m a dog-lover, and I’m a big fan of the Dog Whisperer. If you haven’t seen his show, you should watch it. If you don’t have dogs — even if you hate dogs — you should watch this show. I’m sure his book is good, but I don’t see how he can fully communicate in writing what he does. And people.

A big part of Milan’s “training” of dog owners is teaching them to project the right attitude, the right energy, the right expectations, to the dogs. Dogs are pack animals. People say dogs can smell fear, but I suspect it isn’t so much a smell as how you carry yourself that the dog picks up on. Week after week Milan meets a dog that is fearful or aggressive or just uncontrollably rowdy, and in minutes he turns them into calm, compliant companions. And he does it mostly by how he walks into the room. The dogs know, often almost at once, that he expects to be in charge, and that he is not to be trifled with. (And the dogs don’t resent that. Usually they seem relieved. At last, someone is in charge!)

The thing about this is, it works with people too. We are also pack animals. The odd thing about us, compared to other social creatures, is that we often like to deny or minimize this about ourselves. After all, we can think for ourselves! We can use words, create art, invent stuff, fly to the moon even! We aren’t going to change our ways just because someone walks in the room and gives us a certain kind of a look.

Except — we do. We intuit what people want from us, and we respond. Not always with compliance, but we respond. What does it mean when someone is a “natural leader”? I think it largely means that they walk into the room with the bearing and manner of a person in charge. Not necessarily bossy, but as Milan would say, Calm Assertive.

Many of the things people think of doing when they need to take charge of a dog, or a child, or an employee — those things are all wrong. Yelling, hitting, and pleading don’t work. They make things worse, actually, because they all sound rather desperate. Getting upset just shows that you aren’t really sure you’re the leader.

Several people who report to me are, themselves, supervisors, and I encourage all of them to watch Cesar Milan. When you are in a position of leadership, the Calm Assertive attitude sets the stage for success. It isn’t quite the same as dominance. Milan respects the dogs he works with — as dogs — and does them the courtesy of seeing them as they are, instead of anthropomorphizing them. He considers what they actually need — exercise, rules, affection — and provides those things. He lets them know what he expects in return, so they know what to do. Everyone is happy.

We are social animals, even those of us who like to think of ourselves as independent. On some level, just like we can’t succeed by focusing on what we fear, we can create a type of success by simply expecting it, and acting accordingly.